Gay Marriage

TAKE A NUMBER – Today’s Modern Love column in the Times is so fucking funny. Bob Morris describes gay marriage best in terms of Fresh Direct or smoking or Botox or parking permits. Read on.

Then there’s the fact that marriage often lasts about as long as a Botox injection. And what is marriage anyway but (if I may be so pretentious) a hetero-normative institution that clumsily mixes property and the State with the divine and ethereal ideals of love?

Then there’s the most insightful quote I’ve read all year:

“Being gay and single is becoming the new smoking…”

Who is this Bob Morris man? And when can I break up his marriage (and subsequent re-marriages), and keep him for myself?

• We’ll Marry Each Other as Often as Needed | Modern Love [NY Times]

INTRODUCING “The Discussion Fourgy.” Every week we pose a question and post the most hilarious, thoughtful, insightful, and totally brainless responses. The Fourgy is: A gay man. A straight man. A gay gal. And a straight gal.
 
Q: According to NPR: “Sex without Condoms is the new Engagement Ring.”  Can rubberless dongs truly replace princess cut canary diamonds? Is Trojan the new Cartier? Discuss.

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Straight Guy Tom responds:
The only way this substitution will hold is if the birth control pill becomes the new prenuptial agreement. Although, do you suppose online sales of cock rings have skyrocketed?

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Gay Gal Mazbot responds:
um, this whole thing confuses me.  i mean do girls really think that just because they get a ring, and have unsafe sex, that they will magically never be exposed to an STD?  And it’s not like people can’t cheat? But more importantly, it’s very foretelling of our sad economic state if people are will to trade safe sex for a proposal.

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Straight Gal Molly Responds:
Wow, I haven’t had a fourgy since college!!
Off the cuff I think that, unless your loved one is extremely rich, you can be fairly certain they aren’t giving anyone else a princess cut canary diamond. It is a lot harder to be sure, however, that they are not giving anyone else their rubberless dong.

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Gay Guy Phillip responds:

If you ask me, engagements are always messy. Ring or no ring, you’re still dealing with shit.

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The homo-neurotic’s weekly perusal of objects accessible only to those with the financial resources of a Russian oligarch that incite horror, desire, shame, and revulsion. All at the same time.

By Jonathan Thong

So the proceedings in California have gotten us gays all in a tizzy about that most hallowed of institutions, marriage. Naturally, all the talk has has been about love and commitment and walking through life with that ever so special person that has been placed on this earth specifically for YOU. But let us cast our minds back to the good old days where marriage was simply either a means of preventing mutual annihilation (i.e. my tribe won’t come over periodically and try to club and rape your tribe to death and your tribe will try not to do the same) or merely a fiduciary agreement in which one party sells off their offspring to the other party so as to propagate yet another generation of aristocrats, or in the case of the peasantry, additional farm hands. So in the more ancient spirit of the institution, here are a few baubles that one might consider as a more interesting alternative to that ever so boring solitaire from Tiffany’s More… »

FUGLY DUCKLING - Tila Tefuckingquila may claim to be family (she’s bi). But we don’t want her. Last week Tila committed what Steve refers to as a post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy when she chatted with usmagazine.com about her groundbreaking role in California’s recent Gay Marriage legislation:

“It is because of me — I definitely think [my show] has helped the movement…. More… »

By B.B. Nichols + Antonio Cerna

By now, we’ve all read (or heard) the news about the UCLA study that projects how same-sex weddings will stimulate California’s flacid economy. Citing the number of couples who will now travel to CA, and the dramatic increase of wedding cottage industries such as cake makers, florists, jewelers, designers, travel (flailing airline industry anyone?) — not to mention the wine & spirits boost — more gay dollars than ever are flowing into the Golden State. According to BusinessWeek:

Gay couples are projected to spend $684 million on flowers, cakes, hotels, photographers and other wedding services over the next three years — so long as voters don’t put a halt to the same-sex marriage spree. More… »