For Forks’ sake: My twisted ‘Twilight’ love

TWIHARD-ON | In the last few weeks I’ve spent a lot of time repeating these five words to myself over and over: “you aren’t what you read,” “you aren’t what you read,” and it’s all Stephenie Meyer’s fault.

JAIL BAIT | 17-year-old Taylor Lautner plays shape-shifter Jacob Black in "New Moon"

For the last month my entire life hasn’t been my own, it’s belonged to a family of vampires in a town called Forks, where one accident-prone human girl met the love of her life in the form of a Vampire who was doomed to repeat high school for all of eternity all because he was dying of the flu during that pesky turn-of-the-century pandemic.

Yes, my name is [redacted] and I am a fan of “Twilight.”

“But what exactly is ‘Twilight’?” I know, the thought plagues a lot of you. Some may think that they’re too old, too learned, or just too cool to care about this, the biggest literary phenomenon not involving Jesus or a boy wizard, and to those people I say this: you’re probably right. But after I say that I’m also going to tell you that maybe Stephenie Meyer has something. Like the Osmonds and Julie from the “Real World: New Orleans” before her, she has proven that Mormons can do more than just kill marriage equality in California: they can also entertain the masses.

Over the course of four books I have followed dutifully the many twists and turns that the journey of Bella and Edward’s love has taken, and though it might be easy to dismiss the series as just one in a stream of vampire related texts that have come into being over the last decade–”Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “the Vampire Diaries,” Eddie Murphy’s star turn as “Vampire in Brooklyn,” and “True Blood”–what Meyer has done is actually tap into the core of our emotional register. She has reached into the heart and soul of millions of boys and girls yearning to find their own true loves and shown us that even in the face of the many dangers that face the immortal ones that love can and will prevail…

Either that or I’m just really single and these books are the literary equivalent to sitting on the couch with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and my worn out VHS copy of “Sleepless in Seattle.” (Again, please, no judgments).

Now, don’t get me wrong–I haven’t completely forgotten the fact that I’m in my mid-twenties, live in New York City, and lead what most people would consider to be a reasonably exciting and full life. But what scores of tween girls all across America and I have discovered is that–despite the countless grammatical errors, pages of descriptions of the weather, and a seemingly never-ending desire to push the boundaries of believability–this four-book saga is, to put it simply, really addicting. So yes, I may have a “New Yorker” subscription and an Ivy-League degree, but I’m here to tell the world that I love “Twilight” and chances are you’ll be able to catch me in line to get in to see “New Moon” in a few weeks, fake fangs and all.

Oh, and Taylor Lautner? If you’re reading this, call me.

 Related posts:

1. ‘New Moon’ | Leader of the Pack REVIEW | When a veritable pop culture benchmark comes to your local cineplex and you’re charged with having to review it, finding the appropriate point...
2. (In)Conspicuous Consumption – A Twisted Classic Unexpected details are a delight. Chaotic lacing and multiple eyelets turn a standard into a compelling accessory for this fall.  Chuck Taylor All Star...
3. Bob Morris’ Gay Buddhism Love Advice Always stylish, author and columnist, Bob Morris, offers young gay guys advice about love with a dash of gay Buddhism in for good measure....
4. Sade | Soldier Of Love SADE VS SADE | We’d like to nominate Sade’s “Soldier of Love” as not only one of the best songs/records of 2010, but also...
5. Valentino’s Love and Legacy In 2008, fashion icon Valentino walked away from the company he created in Rome almost 45 years go. A new docu-film explores the life...