L.C. ‘Candy’ Possibly Delicious? | Review

LC IN WONDERLAND // While the mainstream media covered Lauren Conrad’s (aka LC from the Hills) ‘LA Candy’ the moment it was released, it took Homo-Neurotic a bit longer to stomach the idea of reading it — and even longer to get through the first twelve of forty-five chapters.

However, once you reach Chapter 13, ‘L.A. Candy’ grows into pure, unadulterated, trash gold. A girl on a reality TV show writes about a girl on a reality TV show! How one can begin to wrap one’s brain around this concept is beyond me.

Much like LC’s show “The Hills” itself, the book begins with entitled, fussy rich girls chatting about boys while they scout out new watering holes. The lead character Jane and her BFF Scarlet move to LA together to start a new life, a thinly veiled representation of Lauren and Heidi Montag (the now super-fame whoring slut extraordinaire of Spidey notoriety).

The story drags as Lauren gets an internship with a Nazi PR woman (*cough* ‘Teen Vogue’ *cough*) and spends close to 100 pages documenting what they’re wearing while on bad dates or while at glitzy LA hotspots: “She had chosen a peach top with ruffles down the center, tucked into a red, high-waisted chiffon skirt that ended just above her knees.” It’s really thought provoking stuff and probably the only contribution from Lauren herself who wrote the novel with “collaborator” Nancy Ohlin.

But just as one begins to suspect that millions of trees were wasted to produce this most trivial, contrived storyline, the book takes a 90-degree turn for the better.

Once the girls are placed on a new reality show called, “L.A. Candy” — and if readers pay close attention – the novel ‘LA Candy’ morphs from a shit scrapper for illiterate teen brats to a quasi-revealing portrait of the “reality” behind the reality TV show genre.

Yes, by now we all know that Reality Shows are staged and scripted — but to what extent that reality is altered is disturbing. In the “novel” two new girls are hired to become best friends with Jane and Scarlett, much like the “real-life” Audrina Pattridge and Whitney Port. Their drinks are paid for. They’re given a new apartment when theirs isn’t camera friendly. On dates, private moments are re-enacted if and when the cameras miss them. And conversations are steered towards producer-suggested topics. We may all purport to know these things about Reality TV, but when they are actually put down on paper they’re more shocking somehow. By they end of the novel you’re trapped, finding yourself riveted as Jane rises as the star of the series projecting her into the celebrity spotlight. Combine all that with a truly cliffhanger ending, leaving at least this reader wondering, “Wait, what happens next?”

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