Fondle: Homo Pizza Parlor Takeover

PIZZA POLE DANCE? // As you may know, we visited Brooklyn’s newest gay-spot, “Fondle,” at South Brooklyn Pizza. We’re sorry to report that it was whack — but only a little bit. Whackish maybe?

Fondle is literally a pizza parlor which is then attached to a restaurant with a counter-wrapped brick oven — so you can watch them make the pizzas from the bar. The whole place was reminiscent of 1950’s Italian Mafia chic with big secret booths and candlelight OR, just plain-old “Lady and the Tramp.”  All 6 of the “patrons” were, lets say, not our type. There were drink specials which consisted of “Fondletinis,” “Apple Martini Cosmos” and 4-dollar Peronis. (No clue what was on tap. Beer is for fat people?) The bartender, it must be noted, was very cute.

The music, courtesy of an iPod, consisted mainly of an hour-long Whitney Houston medley, followed by silence. Oddly enough, right smack in the middle of the restaurant there was a stripper pole. Since you can’t order pizza by the slice, you must exit the bar and go to the actual pizza-only part of the place. But, you can bring slices back to compliment your drinks at the bar. Otherwise the menu offered an expensivish dinner fare of fancy Italian food. Oh and cash only. Boo.

However, at about midnight — something strange happened — a go-go dancer showed up (he was hot in a Long Island kind of way) and shortly after that the crowd doubled and the music started bumping. Also the bus boy may or may not have been retarded.

Despite all that, Fondle is an interesting space– tiny, but there are lots of booths in back and plenty of counter space with stools. Think smaller than Eastern Bloc, but with way more seating. The place is so deep in Carroll Gardens, noise doesn’t seem to be a problem. Drinks in general were cheap and the space is perfect for intimate dimly lit flirtations. The random appearances from hot Italian guys connected with the restaurant didn’t hurt either.

I propose a homo-neurotic takeover. We invite everyone we know and just make a party happen there next week — and then never go back again. What do you say gents?

THE FAT // According to PageSix, and then confirmed by MetroMix, Fondle @ South Brooklyn Pizza was started in February ‘09 by Bastard Life Editor-in-Chief, Neal Boulton — whom we wrote about back in December ‘08.

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