American Idol: What You’ve Been Missing (?)

My first piece for homo-neurotic was about American Idol, and while I still contest that Simon and perhaps the American viewing public make it overtly homophobic, I couldn’t help but find myself getting sucked in for another season. They added a fourth judge, Kara, and from the beginning her and Paula have teamed up against the boys to protest the advancement of pretty, stupid girls with limited talent, and in support of the camera-friendly male crooners. Girl Power! Though for a while Paula couldn’t always keep her paws to herself and fawned over Kara in a lesbonic fashion. It’s ok Paula; we know it’s just the booze and pills. And as always my boyfriend, Ryan, is lookin’ fine.

This season seems to be less about the homophobia than the racism, and this time it’s not the judges’ fault. If it wasn’t for the judges’ (and surely the producers, Fox, etc.) there would have been only person of color voted into the final 12, Lil’ Rounds, the Mary J. Blige look and sound-a-like (and obviously already the girl favorite of the gays). The judges put through to the finals another African American girl, a Puerto Rican guy, and an Indian guy. How many made it past the first week? Only one, the Indian guy, Anoop. I guess with Slumdog Millionaire, this is India’s year.

Nevertheless, I am a little excited about some of the contestants that have made it through, mostly because some of them are fucking cute! So after putting all my eggs in David Archuleta’s basket last year, I’d like to share my early favorites with you all and why they are appealing to the gays, in hopes that one will take home the grand prize. I’m going to omit some of the ladies I love at this point until we get further along.

Adam – well Adam is appealing because he might very well be gay and he’s an early favorite of the judges (well Paula at least). Nevertheless, even if he’s straight he’s got the sensibility of Pete Wentz and is probably the closest we’ll come to having a gay Idol. (Unless you count Kelly Clarkson and Taylor Hicks, oh snap!)

Matt G. – Um, he’s cute, he’s been compared to Justin Timberlake, and he can play the piano and sing. What more can I say?

Danny – Another early favorite, his ever changing fashion glasses seem to be a dead giveaway to his latent homosexuality, but he is in fact a widower, so his wife, may she rest in peace, probably would have something different to say about that.

Kris – Last but certainly not least, this Southern boy has the kind of charm that your best girlfriend’s boyfriend whose not awkward to be around, laughs at your jokes, and calls you bud, while pretending to care about your love life, only possesses. I heart him.

So whether or not you’re a fan, there are some boys (and girls) worth watching this season. They may not be out and proud, but hey, eye candy with talent is good enough for me, for now.

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