FUGLY DUCKLING – Tila Tefuckingquila may claim to be family (she’s bi). But we don’t want her. Last week Tila committed what Steve refers to as a post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy when she chatted with usmagazine.com about her groundbreaking role in California’s recent Gay Marriage legislation:
“It is because of me — I definitely think [my show] has helped the movement…. Before it came out, everyone was still a little apprehensive about [same sex relationships]…..Then they realized, ‘Wow, everyone is really into this stuff, and it is fine.’ The next thing you know, [gay marriage] is legal.
If she wants credit for gay marriage, why not take on our whole history. She’s undead right? Tila’s been fighting for GLBT rights and issues since the first homo was stoned, hanged, gassed, bashed, oppressed and raped to death. Tila was there at Stonewall sucking cop blood. Island of Lesbos? That was all Tila. When Emperor Justinian blamed homos for famines and earthquakes, Tila picketed it that shit. She protested when Henry VIII passed the first sodomy laws. Oscar Wilde. Adolf Brand. Alfred Kinsey. Gertrude Stein. All secret vampire friends of Tila’s. She was even there in 5,000 BC engraving homo-erotic images on rocks along the Mediterranean….with her fangs.
The Homo-Neurotics react:
Blair:
One thing is for sure, if Tila does fall in love with Africa the STD clinics in CA will have more work than they can handle.
Dan:
I had to look this person up. Is her schtick that she takes credit for news stories? That’s kind of a cool career, like after Katrina she could be photographed in an “oops I farted!” pose and give ungrammatical interviews about how she caused it. I also like the idea of California Supreme Court Justices so confounded by this issue that they consult MTV and realize that “everyone is really into this stuff.” Are there any other crises facing humanity that she’ll deign to solve, or do you think she’ll stop at gay marriage?
Mitch:
I might as well have overheard this conversation:
Said frat boy, “Wow, everyone is really into this stuff.”
Said pal, “Dude, that’s totally gay.”
“I’m just saying, it’s on teevee. She’s for real.”
“Yeah, I guess queers really are into that faggy stuff.”
Maybe TIla can base a reality show on her African travels, thus further breaking down racial barriers within the gay community and simultaneously ending the AIDS crisis. I mean, it’s reality TV. Anything can happen.
Dan:
I think she’ll come back from Africa married to a giraffe.
Blair:
A bisexual giraffe.
Molly:
I have never seen her show but have seen commercials and they all seem to involve hot tub orgies and angry lesbians throwing things at each other…I am failing to see how this kind of Real World-esque debauchery is relevant to the issue of matrimony (gay or straight) in any way.
That said, I am very interested in bisexual giraffes.
Related posts:
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- Quotes from Famous Fags | Christopher Rice On Prop 8: “The image of a kid holding a book (about gay marriage) is profound. Unfortunately, the backers of Prop. 8 used King as an example...
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Tags: Bisexual Giraffes, Gay Marriage, Marriage Equality, tila tequila, Vampires
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Fun Fact: Male giraffes determine female fertility by tasting the female’s urine in order to detect estrus.
Looking forward to that scene in Tia’s new series!
Bonus Compatibility Fact: A giraffe’s favorite food is leaves from the mimosa tree, and Tia’s favorite food is Mimosas. Ya heard?
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No one person who has made their homo or bisexuality publically known is responsible for the legalization of gay marriage. To many her statement may demean the countless homosexual couples in long term relationships, many of whom have fought their entire adult lives for this kind of progress, while to others she is an indication that our society is changing. Her show’s predecessors have almost always featured heterosexual couples, from The Bachelor/Bacherlorette, back to Love Connection and The Dating Game.
But MTV/VH1 has been on the forefront (in my eyes) for years now. Since gay couples were featured on Undressed in my formative years, to even the silly dating shows like Next and Parental Control, teens are now coming of age in a culture where gay relationships are put on par with their straight peers.
So maybe MTV and VH1 should take the credit, or maybe Tila can continue her mild if not heart-warming delusion. Because of her now we are all free to find love and spouses via competitive eating contests and slip and slide showdowns, in the state of California at least.
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More gay animal fun: (From Page Six)
June 12, 2008 — THE Central Park Zoo has become the No. 1 hot spot for gay birds. Ten years ago, Roy and Silo made history as the zoo’s first same-sex penguin couple by cohabitating and refusing female companionship. Their historic coming-out opened the floodgates. In Faye Flam’s new book, “The Score,” curator John Rowden reveals, “We currently have a number of [penguin] same-sex pairs.” And they aren’t the only gay birds in the park – Flam writes there are plenty of homosexual geese and ducks also hooking up.
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My mother always told me that Mimosas don’t grow on trees…and obvi penguins are gay, some of the only animals sensible enough to dress formally for every occasion and let the men raise the kids while the mothers work.
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