3 Questions Never to Ask in a Social Setting

 

Cole Escola suggests keeping your mouth closed.

 

 

FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE — It’s party season in New York. And you can literally feel the energy in the air. Fire Island is flaming, sidewalk cafes are brimming, rooftop parties are overflowing — and everybody is hooking up left and right. So here’s some advice for all of my young, drunken homos. Unless, the person you’re addressing is married to you on Facebook or calls himself/herself your BFF in public (!!), don’t ask the following 3 questions in social conversation. It’s just rude. Wait until you’re sitting one on one. And even then, bite your tongue grrl — take if from someone whose foot is permanently lodged in his mouth. Antonio Cerna and Blair Bryant discuss.

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1. Where did you two meet? It’s none of your business. We live in a digital hook-up zone, and chances are you can probably guess the answer: manhunt, Dlist, daddyhunt, blackinches.com, silverdaddy (insert name of other tawdry hook-up site). So, save everyone around you the embarrassment of having to point this out, and simply wait for the two people in question (friends, boyfriends, fuck buddies) to share that information on their own. (i.e., “Can you believe we met on MySpace?”)

 

 

Blair Notes: When people ask me how we met and I have to flippantly say ‘online’ in one breath as if the answer should have been obvious to them, but also they should not press further on the issue, because it has little to no bearing on how our ‘relationship’ should be perceived. In fact I have become more wary of people who have met at bars because those pairings seem to be more foolhardy, based on an intoxicated connection, and replicate themselves most often in other inebriated situations.

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2. Where is (Insert absentee boyfriend, hook-up, or even best friend)? This is a slippery slope to Awkwardville. For all you know, your friend and his/her special friend broke up yesterday. And if they did, they don’t want to talk about it. Again, wait for the person you’re talking with to share that information whenever he/she deems it’s necessary. (i.e., “Joe and I broke up last week, that’s why he’s not here. But we’ll talk about that some other time.”)

 

 

Blair notes: If you are able to ask tactfully away from others’ ears than it is still sometimes necessary so you know for sure that that person and topic is off-limits, or at least get the low-down before you go shooting your mouth off. I have also been burned and annoyed by friends asking me about random guys in front of my latest accessory, for whatever reason it often comes across as catty and even genuine interest from a friend can be put on hold until the situation is fully assessed.

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3. Is this your boyfriend/girlfriend? Don’t do it. Don’t place labels on your friend’s friends. You don’t know where he/she stands with the person they brought to the party. You can probably guess that they’re sleeping together — but that’s really all you can count on. Most likely he/she hasn’t had the boyfriend/girlfriend talk — so just shut up. Again, let your friends define their own relationship when they’re ready. Or just check their damn Facebook profile. More than not, they’ll change their relationship status the minute he/she has “the talk.”

 

 

Blair adds: Facebook relationship status changes are as pervasive as ’sweater pinning’ and ‘class ring wearing’ was in the 50’s. If people are coupled YOU WILL KNOW. If they haven’t announced it already, chances are they aren’t officially official or don’t want you to know. In either case it would not be wise to ask.

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